jesuisuneetoile:

THIS IS MARRIAGE!!

Thats right!

Permission to be a bad ass. Nod.

He looks back at the guy like, “SEE THAT? SHE SAID YES. YOU’RE SO FUCKED.”

Like, guys. Sparta was so kick ASS sometimes when it came to women. Spartan women were given these small knives so that if their husbands came home and tried to hit them or assault them, they had a weapon within reach. That weapon was for CUTTING THEIR HUSBANDS’ FUCKING FACES so that when he went out in public everyone would know he was an asshole, abusing jerkface and they would publicly shame him.

(via winterrqueenn)

"I’ve never met a couple that did this, but my ex and I used to do this for giggles and shits. Whenever we were at a party and someone was hitting on one of us the other would come over and act like we didn’t know each other. Then drop the shittiest pick up line we could think of and the other would swoon over it" - leash1991

THIS

boner-appetit:

*waitress comes and fills my water*
*except it wasn’t water, it was sprite*

-Gets endless steak fries

-Endless means no refills

Applying for a job and notices the options are not adequate for me. I fixed them.

Applying for a job and notices the options are not adequate for me. I fixed them.

Dear Alpha Beta Phi Gamma Epsilon Tau Omega Fraternity,

I don’t give a shit about your “Greek Life” of getting a whole bunch of people sloppy drunk at huge ragers. Please stop contacting me.

Sincerely, How did you even get this E-mail address?

"He mixed you a drink, you mix him a tape"
Dammit Portlandia hahahaha